Understanding Your Nervous System States: A Deeper Dive into Polyvagal Theory

Have you ever wondered why some days you feel calm and connected, while other days you're anxious and on edge, or completely shut down and numb? Your nervous system may play a bigger role than you thought. At Blue Coast Psychotherapy in Sarnia, we help clients learn to recognize and work with these states as part of their healing journey.

In our previous post on the power of the vagus nerve, we introduced Polyvagal Theory and the three main nervous system states. Today, we're going deeper to help you understand what each state feels like, how to recognize when you're in it, and what it means for your mental health, physical health, relationships, and more.

First Off, What Is Polyvagal Theory?

Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, completely changed how we understand trauma and the nervous system. The main idea? Trauma isn't just in your head or in your memories, it actually gets stored as a habitual, reflexive state in your nervous system. Rather than just "stressed" or "relaxed," this theory shows us that our nervous system operates in three distinct states, each with its own purpose and patterns.

The word "polyvagal" refers to the many branches of the vagus nerve that govern these different states. And here's the empowering part: when you can identify which state you're in, you can learn skills to spend more time in the safe and social state. You can actually retrain your nervous system to be healthier.

As the saying goes, with awareness comes choice.

The Three States: Your Nervous System's Ladder

It can be helpful to think of the nervous system states as a ladder. At the top, you're safe and connected. As you move down, you're mobilized for action. At the bottom, you're in shutdown mode. Let's explore each rung of this ladder.

The Top of the Ladder: Ventral Vagal State (Safe & Social)

This is the state where we feel our best. When your ventral vagal system is active, you're able to connect with others, think clearly, and respond to life's challenges with flexibility and creativity. This is the state in which our "social engagement system" is online.

What it feels like:

• Calm and grounded in your body

• Open to connection with others

• Able to make eye contact comfortably

• Your voice has natural warmth and variation

• Thinking is clear and flexible

• You can access curiosity and playfulness

• Breathing is deep and easy

Physical signs:

• Relaxed shoulders and jaw

• Steady heart rate

• Good digestion

• Restorative sleep

• Energy feels balanced, not wired or exhausted

Take a moment: what does this safe state feel like for you? When was the last time you felt this way? What were you doing? Who were you with?

When we are working with clients at Blue Coast, we can often identify this state when client's are open, able to effectively communicate, think clearly and with insight. We hear clients describe this state as easy and peaceful, where life feels manageable.

The Middle Rung: Sympathetic State (Fight or Flight)

When your nervous system perceives danger (real or perceived), it activates the sympathetic response. This is your body's mobilization system - it gives you energy to fight or flee from threats.

What it feels like:

• Anxious, worried, or on edge

• Restless or unable to sit still

• Irritable, angry, or easily frustrated

• Hypervigilant, always scanning for danger

• Racing thoughts or rumination

• Feeling "wired" or amped up

• Difficulty focusing on one thing

• Sense of urgency or panic

Physical signs:

• Rapid heartbeat or pounding heart

• Shallow, quick breathing

• Tense muscles (especially shoulders, neck, jaw)

• Sweating or hot flashes

• Digestive upset or nausea

• Difficulty sleeping or staying asleep

• Restless legs or fidgeting

Clients typically describe this state as overwhelming and everything feels urgent. They might find themselves arguing more, feeling defensive, interrupting others, or wanting to escape conversations. Our sympathetic system can kick in when there’s a real threat (like that heart-dropping feeling when you slip on ice) or even a perceived threat (like the jolt you get from a “we need to talk” text).

What is important to remember here is that this state isn't inherently bad. When you need to meet a deadline or respond to a real threat, this mobilization serves you. The problem is when you get stuck here and your body treats everyday life like it's a constant emergency.

The Bottom Rung: Dorsal Vagal State (Freeze or Shutdown)

This is the state we see so many clients slip into. This is what happens when the threat feels too overwhelming, when fighting or fleeing won't help. Your nervous system essentially says, "If I can't fight it and I can't run from it, I'll just disappear." This is the oldest survival response, sometimes called "freeze" or "collapse."

What it feels like:

• Emotionally numb or flat

• Disconnected from yourself and others

• Foggy thinking or difficulty concentrating

• Lack of motivation or energy

• Feeling hopeless or helpless

• Difficulty caring about things that used to matter

• Sense of being "outside" your body or dissociating

• Everything feels difficult

Physical signs:

• Extreme fatigue or exhaustion

• Low energy despite rest

• Slowed movements

• Feeling heavy or weighted down, like "walking through mud"

• Digestive sluggishness or constipation

• Sleeping too much or difficulty getting out of bed

• Low blood pressure or feeling faint

• Decreased heart rate

I see this a lot in my Sarnia practice with people dealing with chronic stress from demanding jobs, relationship trauma, or burnout. Their nervous system has essentially said, "We're done. Shutting down to conserve resources." Clients withdraw from others, struggle to express themselves, or report just "going through the motions".

And here's what I always tell clients: this isn't laziness. This isn't weakness. This is your most primitive survival system trying to protect you the only way it knows how.

Why Understanding These States Matters

Many people come to therapy feeling confused about their symptoms. They might say, "Sometimes I'm so anxious I can't sit still, but other times I can barely get off the couch. What's wrong with me?".

Nothing is wrong with you. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it's designed to do: trying to keep you safe. The problem is that for many people, especially those who've experienced trauma, chronic stress, or burnout, the nervous system gets stuck responding to everyday life as if it's a threat.

When you understand these states, you can:

• Stop judging yourself for your responses

• Recognize what your body is trying to tell you

• Choose interventions that match your current state

• Communicate your needs to loved ones

• Work more effectively in therapy

Quick Reference Chart: Your Nervous System States

Aspect	Ventral Vagal (Safe & Social)	Sympathetic (Fight/Flight)	Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown)
Energy	Balanced, grounded	Revved up, wired	Depleted, heavy
Thoughts	Clear, flexible	Racing, worried	Foggy, slow
Emotions	Full range, manageable	Intense (anxiety, anger)	Numb, flat
Connection	Open, engaged	Defensive, guarded	Withdrawn, distant
Body	Relaxed, at ease	Tense, activated	Collapsed, fatigued
Heart Rate	Steady	Fast	Slow
Breathing	Deep, easy	Shallow, quick	Barely noticeable
What You Need	Play, connection	Movement, grounding	Gentle activation, safety

Moving Between States: What Helps?

The key to nervous system regulation isn't staying in ventral vagal all the time (that's unrealistic). Instead, it's about developing flexibility: the ability to move between states as needed and return to ventral vagal when the threat has passed.

If you're in Sympathetic Activation (Fight/Flight):

• Movement can help discharge the energy: walking, shaking, dancing

• Deep breathing, especially longer exhales

• Cold water on your face or neck

• Grounding techniques (5-4-3-2-1 senses)

• Vigorous exercise if you're able

• Humming or singing to activate the vagus nerve

  
  

If you're in Dorsal Vagal Shutdown:

• Gentle movement to bring energy back

• Social connection, even if brief

• Breathing exercises that energize (breath of fire, quick inhales)

• Cold exposure (cold shower, ice on neck)

• Engaging in activities that interest you

• Small accomplishments to build momentum

• Therapy approaches like EMDR or somatic work

To Build Ventral Vagal Capacity:

• Regular practices from our vagus nerve post

• Safe, connected relationships

• Play and creativity

• Time in nature

• Activities that feel meaningful to you

• Nervous system-focused therapy

How Therapy Helps Regulate Your Nervous System

At Blue Coast Psychotherapy in Sarnia, we use trauma-informed, somatic approaches to help your nervous system find its way back to safety and connection. This might include:

• Polyvagal-informed therapy: Understanding your patterns and building awareness

• EMDR: Processing traumatic memories that keep your system activated

• Internal Family Systems (IFS): Working with the parts of you that developed to cope with different states

• Somatic practices: Learning to track sensations and befriend your body

• Co-regulation: Using the therapeutic relationship to help your nervous system experience safety

  
  

We don't just talk about your problems. We work directly with your nervous system to create lasting change through holistic approaches.

Your Nervous System Is Not the Enemy

One of the most healing shifts happens when you stop seeing your nervous system responses as problems and start seeing them as information. Your anxiety isn't weakness, it's your nervous system trying to protect you. Your shutdown isn't laziness, it's your body's way of conserving resources when overwhelmed.

When you understand the language of your nervous system, you can start responding with compassion instead of judgment. You can recognize when you need to move, when you need to rest, and when you need support.

Ready to Understand Your Nervous System Better?

Learning about polyvagal theory is just the beginning. If you're in Sarnia or the Lambton County area and you're ready to work with your nervous system, we're here to help.

At Blue Coast Holistic Psychotherapy, we specialize in nervous system regulation, trauma recovery, and helping people feel safe in their bodies again. Whether you're dealing with anxiety, depression, trauma, or just feeling stuck, understanding your nervous system states can be a powerful step toward healing.

Book a free consultation to explore how nervous system-focused therapy can support your journey. We'd be honoured to help you find your way back to calm and connection.

Contact us here to get started.

Brianna King is a registered psychotherapist at Blue Coast Holistic Psychotherapy in Sarnia, Ontario, specializing in trauma-informed care, somatic therapy, and nervous system regulation.